[	mood	|	melancholy	]
[	music	|	wilco	]

i hate my life.
i hate hate hate it.
i hate myself.
i do terrible things.
just like i did in tenth grade.
i am in college.
i need to stop doing this to myself.
i need to stop doing this to everyone else.

i need help.
blah.blah.blah.

singmeanything...

xoxonikki

[	mood	|	cold	]
[	music	|	the neutral milk hotel	]

hi.
life suckkkksss.
DAAP blowsss.
cifton is a bitchhh.
people are annoying me.
and my hair is too short
and i want to dye it RIGHTFUCKINGNOW
and i canttttt.

i have to start painting again....
it's like never ending.

laterrrr daysss.

xoxonikki

[	mood	|	cynical	]
[	music	|	jenny lewis--rise up with fists	]

so yesterday started off good.
i mean really it did.
i went to this pool in newport to see andrew and i got to be a lifeguard because andrew is the head one and said i could be.
so i got to blow the whistle and yell at little kids, and let me just tell you i am freaking AWESOME at that.
anyways im like standing there screaming "NO GAINERS!" when this HUGE lightening bolt comes out of the sky.
the pool closed annnnddd i WAITED A WHOLE FREAKING HOUR in traffic to get home.
and i accidently kept andrews whistle.
and we were supposed to hang out later but he got too busy.
so basically i layed around all night when i could have gone out.
or at least gone to michelles and tried to make her feel better.

so im not waiting around tonight. if its my last day off before i work twenty hours this weekend, it better be hella good.

[	mood	|	hot	]
[	music	|	stolen--dashbord confessional	]

so i went golfing yesterday.
and it was quite an experience.
like i've never ever ever golfed before. so i get there and im wearing flip flops and im like okay so um, what do i now? and im like swinging the club around you know and everyone was kind of watching me like thinking to themselves, "what the hell is this little blonde girl wearing short shorts and flip flops doing?"
and andrew was like "well nikki you take the club and you hit the ball with it"
it was so pathetic. i mean at first i couldnt even the drive the freaking ball.
i kept missing.
its like helllooo how hard is it to freaking hit the ball on a tee with a hella big golf club?
well its hard.
but i didnt do too bad according to my dear friend andrew.
and i actually had fun.
and i actually had pictures.
but andrew hasnt given them to me. because he claims he looks high in every single one.

bummmerrr.
xoxonikki

[	mood	|	confused	]
[	music	|	iron and wine	]

hey losers.

my life has sucked x 2039453905.

basically it's sucked pretty bad.
and i'm not happy with that outcome you know what i'm saying?
in other words, i HATE boys right now.
like i completely loathe them.
and i wish they would stop playing games.
because i've been building myself up
and i just got knocked all the way to the bottom.

okay now i'm just rambling.
and a fucking bird just flew into my window.
i hope it's okay....

xoxonikki

[	mood	|	blank	]
[	music	|	Spill Canvas	]

Sorry. It's been awhile I know. I guess New York can do that to a person.

My life hasn't been all too exciting. Other than the trip I took to New York. And that wasn't all too great. All it established in my mind was the fact that yes, I will live in New York city someday. woo. I'm grounded. Because of grades. And going 60 dollars over my cellphone bill FOR A THRID TIME IN A ROW. super. so I don't have that either. Man i'm lucky. I'm hitting that low point in my life that I get every year.

umm.... i think that's all i have left to say. yeah i'm really talkative right now. I'll have pictures from Nueva York soon enough. I guess be patient. if anyone even cares about them. Or if anyone even rememers i still exsist.

I smell like fankensence and myhrr....yumm..

[	mood	|	numb	]
[	music	|	The Beautiful Mistake	]

Yes I'm lonely wanna .d.i.e.
Yes I'm lonely wanna .d.i.e.
If I ain't dead already
Ooh girl you know the reason why.

In the Morning wanna .d.i.e.
In the Evening wanna .d.i.e.
If I ain't dead already
Ooh girl you know the reason why.

My mother was of the sky
My father was of the earth
But I am of the universe
And you know what it's worth
I'm lonely wanna die
If I ain't dead already
Ooh girl you know the reason why.

The eagle picks my eye
The worm he licks my bone
I feel so suicidal
Just like Dylan's Mr. Jones
Lonely wanna die
If I ain't dead already
Ooh girl you know the reason why.

Black cloud crossed my mind
Blue mist round my soul
Feel so suicidal
Even hate my rock and roll
Wanna die yeah wanna die
If I ain't dead already
Ooh girl you know the reason why.

                                                                                        --the beatles

hey kids. that's a picture from over the summer when i was bored. remember the summer? it used to seem like just yesterday, but not anymore. i guess everyone's changed. yeah, everyone.

<3<3

nikki

[	mood	|	cold	]
[	music	|	Daphne Loves Derby --Tennis Court Soundtrack	]

sha-weet. i'm sick. yesss.

My Recipe For Disaster (make with tender loving care)

So you are the drifter

The loner, the one away from a friend

So I am the fighter

The one with too many black and blue stories not sure where to begin

So you can manage to touch every star that I ever wanted

And I can mange to get beat up for second glances and second chances

And they say you keep company with the dead

The dead of heart and the dead of soul and anything else that seems lost and alone

So walk carefully but do so slowly

I have a nasty tendency to bite too hard

To fight too hard, to cry too hard

And you have a nasty tendency to love me too much

To want to please me too much

And eventually we’ll end up in fist-fights against walls

Screaming at each other’s shadows, apparitions not quite existent

Let this be the last call

Last call for all of us alone in the dark, with neurotic persistence

Of beating ourselves up to know that we still breathe

And just checking to make sure we can still bleed

So look what I’ve done to you

Your optimism replaced with my pessimism

And passive-aggressive tendencies fallen behind

Fast fired words fit to burn

Can this be the last time we get burned?

yeah....that's about my expression on my face right now...

[	mood	|	uncomfortable	]
[	music	|	Cold Play--the scientist	]

Tell me, tell me, tell me

Where’s your girl tonight?

Bet she’s being as stellar as can be

Show me, show me, show me

What your tears look like

Does it hurt endlessly?

Me? I’ll make it just fine

Scraping by

With these over-used, over-worn telephone lines

And of course, your usual lie

Don’t worry all of this is just the usual tell-tale signs

The strange forgotten lines

I’m sorry I missed that

Where did you say your girl was tonight?

Hell if you know? You mean you don’t know where she’s at?

I’m guessing she won this fight

Streak of a hundred? Yeah sounds about right

But you could never fight, not to save your life

Sorry, so sorry, but I’m not saving you now

It’s too late, too hopeless, too gone

You’re a bit too lost to be found

And I can’t be your savior drunk and unsure of what’s going on

What’s going on?

writing, the best way to cure stress, next to art or photography...

<3<3

nikki

[	mood	|	exanimate	]
[	music	|	The Cure --Pictures of You	]

they will see us waving from such great heights
"come down now"
    they'll .s.a.y.
but everything looks perfect from far away
"come down now"
    but we'll stay

me. at alex's house. woo. someone hug me.

<3<3

nikki

[	mood	|	devious	]
[	music	|	um yeah. just me. myself. and i.	]

top 10 funniest things said at the Olympics this past summer:

1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."
   
   2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
   
   3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
   
   4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."
   
   5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
   
   6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
   
   7. At the r owing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."
   
   8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
   
   9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"

[	mood	|	calm	]
[	music	|	Taking Back Sunday --You're so last summer	]

Dear Friend,

I am writing to you because she said you listen and understand and didn't try to sleep with that person at that party even though you could have. Please don't try to figure out who she is because then you might figure out who I am and I really don't want you to do that. I will call people by different names or generic names because I don't want you to find me. I didn't enclose a return address for the same reason. I mean nothing bad by this. Honest.

I just need to know that someone out there listens and understands and doesn't try to sleep with people even if they could have. I need to know these people exist.

I think you of all people would understand that because I think you of all people are alive and appreciate what that means. At least I hope you do because other people look to you for strength and friendship and it's that simple. At least that's what I've heard.

Amen Perks. Christ I love this book.

[	mood	|	high	]
[	music	|	a static lullaby	]

wisdom teeth. gone. ouchies. i can't feel the bottom part of my mouth. but at least im on vicoden. it's fun. i'm pleasently numb. and i have pic-tahs! some from the vacation in toledo, some from earlier on. it's quite amusing. quite. really.  so check them out and hope i feel better in time for christmakkuh.

( .this is the ohio for lovers?. )